


Dreams of My Past

by Gracie_P8



Series: It's fate that brought us here... [1]
Category: Anastasia - Flaherty/Ahrens/McNally
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Aftermath of Violence, Amnesia, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, F/M, Flashbacks, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Injury Recovery, Mentions of PTSD, Minor Character Death, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovered Memories, Slow Burn, Supporting Character Death, Trauma, We met once before, aftermath of war
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-01-25 10:42:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21354952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gracie_P8/pseuds/Gracie_P8
Summary: All she had known... was that she was found on a snowy night... (Reboot of "Dreams of My Past" on fanfiction.net! More chapters added and more character focus!)
Relationships: Dimitri | Dmitry & Anya | Anastasia Romanov (Anastasia 1997 & Broadway), Dimitri | Dmitry/Anya | Anastasia Romanov (Anastasia 1997 & Broadway), Lily Malevsky-Malevitch & Vlad Popov, Lily Malevsky-Malevitch/Vlad Popov
Series: It's fate that brought us here... [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1859653
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a complete reboot of my series, "Dreams of My Past" on fanfiction.net. As I grew as a writer, looking back, I think I can improve on it. And I want to try my hand on darker and edgier stuff. This story will follow more closely to the musical and I will keep some chapters unchanged but… most of the chapters will be rewritten! This story will be a little darker than the original and it will focus more on Anya. I also plan on including songs that I feel go with the tone of specific scenes or chapters. There will be an asterisk (*) to mark where the song should start if one appears in the chapter. Hopefully, it's better than the original! Please leave a review if you like it!  
Link to original fanfiction: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13187806/1/Dreams-of-My-Past  
Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN ANASTASIA OR THE RECCOMMENDED SONGS!  
Song: "A White Lie" from Violet Evergarden

_Yekaterinburg, July 18, 1918, 3:00 am_

Rain pattered against the window. The girl groggily opened her eyes, her bones ached and she was breathing heavily… with every remnant of strength left in her, she propelled her body up from her bed and groaned at the pain… her heart slammed against her throat and every breath felt like fire… she looked at the bandages on her wrists before asking herself _"Who am I… where am I…? I… I can't remember anything…"_ She felt like a child… so lost and helpless with no answers…

The door creaked open as tall, dark shadows filed into the room. The nurses loomed over the already terrified girl while whispering overhead before one of them spoke up.

"Anya, my dear… you _must_ eat something." At that very moment, the girl's stomach began to grumble. One of the nurses brought a steaming bowl of soup close to the young girl before bringing the soup close to her mouth, and Anya gratefully slurped it down…

(*)

_"Anya… is… is that my name?"_ she wondered to herself before asking, her voice barely above a whisper "Why have I been brought here? Who am I? Where… am I?"

The nurse's face was drained of colour "You are in a hospital… we don't know what happened to you but… you were found on the side of a road… and you were brought here… you have many injuries that need tending to…"

"Anya… is my name Anya?"

"You're unsure? You don't remember?"

Cautiously, Anya lowered her eyes "I… I don't know _anything_ before coming here…"

The woman's face was sympathetic and spoke slowly and carefully "We have been calling you Anya… Your past… is a mystery to us, my dear…"

"Who are you?" The young woman asked before the nurse left the room and closed the door.

"I am a nurse here, my name is Katya. Now, rest, my dear. Your injuries need time to heal. You're safe here, for now…" And with that, she slowly and gently closed the door.

_"For now…"_ the words echoed in Anya's head and unsettled her somehow. She was alone in the dark… and she did not like the feeling… she tossed and turned in bed before her eyelids began to grow heavy and she let slumber loom over her…

* * *

_Yekaterinburg, July 17, 1918, 11:30 pm_

_"Go! Run!" The man whispered into the Grand Duchess' ear, she was still alive… God truly meant for her to live… he did not know which girl it was but he knew she was meant to survive… the girl let out a low groan of pain before he shushed her and quickly, he glanced around to see if anyone was watching before he gave a light push as she stumbled forward. He watched as the grand duchess faded into darkness._

_"All loaded! Keep the truck moving!" the truck lurched forward and they drove towards their destination…_

* * *

_St. Petersburg, July 18, 1918, 3:30 am_

Hypnos was unable to overcome Yuri as he stared at the falling snow out from the window… remembering the events of the previous night… _what had he done? If they found out…_ a shiver ran down his spine at the thought. Suddenly, he heard a door creak open and he swiftly turned his head before feeling his shoulders sag with relief as he realized it was his son… letting out a breath he never knew he had held…

"Father…" Gleb begun, breaking the silence between the two "What… _happened?"_

"Nothing, my son…" he quickly fibbed, gently ruffling his dark hair "Go back to bed…"

* * *

The boy nodded as he went back into his room, shocked by the sudden affection of his father… after all, it was quite rare of him… Gleb sighed to himself, wondering what caused that sudden affection, not wanting to question him any further to ruin the moment… he felt as if his father was never proud of him… _was he ever proud of him?_ Reluctantly, he climbed back into bed and closed his eyes… trying to silence those questions brewing in his head as he slept…


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The 2nd chapter is out! And as you know, I will rewrite most of the chapters but I will keep a few chapters unchanged. Anyways, please review because reviews help me write faster!  
Song: "Vasily" from "War and Peace (2016 BBC drama)

_St. Petersburg, July 18, 1918, 1:30 am_

"The corpses shall be removed from the shaft and transported to a more secure location. All men will be required to assist in the relocation."

"Yes, sir," Yurovsky began to separate the soldiers into teams. Some were tasked to dredge up the corpses from the shaft and others began to clear a path for the truck to move forward.

(*)

Yurovsky's original plan to dispose of their corpses had been to throw the bodies down a remote mine shaft and to pour acid onto the corpses to render them unrecognizable, however, the water did not cover their victims as they hoped and he made the fatal error of not realizing how shallow the shaft was. Even when the men threw a few grenades down the shaft, it still held strong. This had led to a change of plans.

By the time the menial task had been done, the men had been exhausted… those who had been present since the execution the night before were given leave to return home and many of them lived near Yekaterinburg. They were to meet again at the Ipatiev house in a week's time.

Drained, the soldiers returned home but Yuri did not return home immediately. He waited until he was alone before returning to the forest to continue his search… after spending a good portion of the night combing the woods for the Grand Duchess, his search was fruitless… _Did they find her? Did she escape? Was she lost in some part of the forest?_ With a defeated sigh, Yuri returned home without any clues…

* * *

_Yekaterinburg, July 18, 8:00 am_

_The muffled echoes raced through her mind as fast as lightning… it was pitch-black and too dark to see a thing… The voices were female and gentle…_

_"-Is she alright?"_

_"Bring her to the hospital now so she could hide from- and never find her!"_

_"-Side of road- snowing outside."_

_"-Sewn in-"_

_"-Call the child 'Anya'."_

"Anya, _Anya_… Wake up, dear."

Groggily, Anya opened her eyes, shaking off the remnants of those voices in her dream… the voices were distant and often cut off when she wanted to learn more. Raindrops pattered across the grimy windowpane.

"You seem to be sleeping quite a lot lately," the nurse Katya smiled gently, her face reminiscent of that of a mother "It's a good sign to show that you're body has been healing,"

"How long do I have to stay here?" she tugged a loose strand of blonde hair, brushing it subconsciously.

Anya noticed the older woman flinch and avert her gaze before forcing a smile "My! Aren't you eager to fly out of that coop? But you mustn't rush! You still need time to heal… I will be back in a moment…"

The young woman felt tense at the sudden change of subject… but she never knew why… the door creaked open and Katya entered carrying a tray of broth and bandages. Deftly, she placed the small tray on the small wooden table next to her bed. Nimbly, the nurse inspected and changed the bandages before pulling a stool and slowly beginning to feed her the broth, not looking at her in the eye…

Anya had a sinking feeling that Katya knew something about her that she didn't know… and that this information would put her in danger…


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the plot thickens as the story progresses to how Anya left for Perm…  
Song: "The Hidden Chamber" by Brandon Fietcher and Derek Fietcher

(*)

_Yekaterinburg, July 24 1918, 8:00 pm_

_Anya was once again pulled into the void of sleep, discovering that she had been in a dimly-lit hallway…_

_"Hello?" She cupped her hands over her mouth, her voice curious and slightly hesitant; echoing against the walls "Is… Is anyone here?"_

_Once her eyes adjusted to the dark, she took a few tentative steps and absorbed her surroundings, slightly uncomfortable at the eerie silence and odd familiarity of the place… barred doors lined the hallway and finding the way out felt like eternity… with a fatigued huff, she willed herself not to press her forehead against a door and let her legs crumble onto the cold floor…_

_"Shvibzik, come to us!" The voice calling out to her was warm and gentle, distinctively male. Her head whipped around and she saw a light glowing at one end of the hallway… she felt a strange sense of calm at the voice…_

_"Watch out where you step, Malenkaya!" A female voice warned, her tone filled with worry. Slowly, she paused ._

_"Who are you? Where am I? Who am I?" The light began to dim as she ran closer, feeling an urgency to join whomever was luring her from the darkness… "Wait! Don't leave me!" The young woman continued calling out for the voices only to realize that her cries did nothing but cause her voice to tire out…_

"Anya, Anya… _Anya?_"

Katya's voice cut through her dream like a sharp knife, or was it more than a dream?

"Are you alright?" Genuine concern was etched into her eyes "You seem to have been mumbling about something a moment ago…"

"I-I'm fine," Anya quickly fibbed to avoid further interrogation, feeling nervous at the implications "Why?"

"Nothing," Katya shook her head, her voice slightly wavering "Don't worry about it at all my dear, rest now, my dear…"

As the door creaked gently, Anya was once again left here all alone with a cold, heavy feeling in her heart… and she did not know why she had felt this way… part of her wanted to ask why they were keeping secrets from her, but the other part was too terrified to find out…

* * *

_July 24, 1918, 8:30 pm_

Yuri wrung his hands as he paced in the small waiting room upon entering the hospital… time was running out… there was only one day left to find the Grand Duchess before they meet again at the Ipatiev house…

The man spent the week combing the woods for the girl before always coming home without a trance of the grand duchess… many scenarios flooded through his mind,_ could they have found her? Was she hiding? Was she dead? Was she lost in those woods?_

Fortunately, his wife believed his unwillingness to speak of what happened was due to guilt and shame. Though the Vaganov family had a disdain for the royal family, both he and his wife knew that they did not deserve such a cruel fate… Yuri did not want to tell her the truth for if he did, she and his son would be considered guilty of his crimes against the Soviet too…

His last hope was to check the hospital nearest to the forest… finally, a door creaked open and a nurse entered the room, apprehension on her face.

"Oh, sir… how may I help you?" Her unease was rather justifiable for he was wearing the soldier's uniform that symbolised an ally of the Soviet…

He chose his words carefully "I'd like to see a patient here, a young girl, most likely in poor condition. She went missing a week ago. If I do not find her, someone else will, and she will be in _even more danger_…"

"You are a comrade of the Whites?"

"I am only a man who wishes to redeem himself from his past mistakes,"

The nurse led Yuri to a small door, which led to a narrow, dimly-lit hallway. At the end of the corridor, she opened another door, leading to a small, quiet room. The room was quiet like a ghost town and there was no one in sight… except for a young girl bundled up in blankets, her body gently rising up and down with each breath she took… her long, blonde hair framing her delicate face… it was the Grand Duchess Anastasia Nikolaevna Romanov!

"She does not remember anything," the nurse whispered "She doesn't know who she is… she has no memory of her past or what happened to her…"

Yuri looked at the girl, speechless at the revelation… even though she was bruised and bandaged, she still held a regal aura of elegance around her…

"She can't know of her past…" he finally whispered "It has to be kept this way. Take her somewhere _far away_ from Yekaterinburg… if she knows, then she'll be in _greater danger_…"

"I know a place in Perm where she could hide… I will arrange everything as soon as I can…"

"Please hurry. _Never_ let her know _anything_…"

The two stood in silence for a few moments before proceeding to the hallway once more… knowing the secret information should stay a secret until it was safe…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will the Soviets find out what Yuri had done? Will Anya arrive safely in Perm? Will Anya find out their secret? Stay tuned for the next chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: This chapter contains descriptions of gun violence! Proceed with caution or skip this chapter if you are sensitive to related topics!  
Also, we get to see the diamond from "A Secret She Kept".  
Song: "Journey to the Cemetery" from "Phantom of the Opera (2004)"

_July 24, 1918, 9:00 pm_

"Anya, Anya, my dear… wake up, we_ must_ get going!" Katya shook the girl's shoulder gently.

"Going? _Where?_" Anya's eyes fluttered open, her voice drowsy with sleep as she rubbed her eyes open.

Katya pulled out articles of clothing onto the bed "We are taking you to another hospital… the war is approaching and there is _too much_ unrest nearby. You need to be somewhere safe…" Another nurse arrived to help change the clothes the young woman had been wearing that night…

(*)

"Unrest?" Anya wondered as the nurses helped her to sit up. She winced a little bit from the aching pain in her ribs, although most of the pain had subsided, it ached once in a while "What's happening? _Why_ isn't it safe here?"

The nurses gave each other worried looks "We fear that the war has reached our doorsteps based on recent reports…" They gingerly helped her into each piece of clothing, careful not to cause any further pain.

Anya looked at the driver before turning to face Katya as she gave the girl a small, sparkling object, causing Anya's eyes to widen…

"Is that…"

"A diamond, you are right, my dear. It was sewn in your skirt when you arrived…"

"But… _how? Why_ was it hidden there?" Her curiosity began to grow unbearable, they were keeping secrets from her…

"I do not know, child, but it must remain a secret. Never tell a soul, you can never know who you can or cannot trust in those times… You must keep it hidden until you know that you must and that you found someone to confide in…" she gently pressed the diamond into her palm and closed her fingers around it. Anya did not know how many more unspoken secrets there were but she slipped the precious stone into her pocket until she could find a better place to hide it...

The two sat in silence for a few moments, unsure of what to say now. Anya looked out of the window, feeling her stomach lurch with unjustifiable dread… Katya knew more than she was told, Anya felt the urge to demand the truth from her… However, another part of her knew that she could not tell the difference between a truth and a lie in those times… Feeling her eyelids grow heavy and her mind grow fatigued, she succumbed to the spell of sleep…

* * *

_July 25, 1918, 6:30 am_

There was a tense silence in the Ipatiev house. Men were huddled in groups, whispering amongst themselves and Yurovsky wore a stoic expression on his face, his posture ramrod straight and his frown rather obvious. Yuri felt the stone of dread sink harder as he looked around the room…

"Comrades!" Yurovsky boomed, his voice echoing around the room "We have completed our task of ridding our beloved Russia from the oppression! However… while the tsar has fallen, not everyone in the family has joined them…"

His pulse had pounded in his ears… his worst fear had come true… the man began to walk amongst the men, hands folded behind his back as he made eye contact with every man in the room, like a hawk seeking for its prey "One of the daughters' bodies is missing. Comrade Vaganov, would you like to enlighten us about your connection to the Grand Duchess' disappearance?"

Yuri's eyes widened at the question. _How could he have known? He was careful to hide his tracks and hide any evidence…_

"It is _no use_ lying to us, Vaganov. I spoke with your wife that night and you did not return home immediately after you were relieved last night. In addition, one of your comrades saw you walking in a different direction that would not lead you home that night…" Yurovsky's fist flew into the man's face, causing him to stumble and hold his left cheek.

"Did _you_ help the _Grand Duchess_ escape?" His words were bitter and he spat them out as if it was some sort of curse…

When Yuri did not answer, he threw another blow and kicked him in the stomach, knocking out the living breath out of his lungs.

"Did she escape?" Yurovsky pulled out a pistol and aimed it at the man's head "Is the princess alive? For either way you choose, _you cannot win_…"

"No," the words managed to escape his lips "She was dead when I found her… I buried her and returned home…"

Yurovsky gave a smug smile "_Where_ did you hide _it_?"

"I could not remember _where_ her body was…"

"You _clearly_ did not tell your wife who was kept in the dark of _such shameful secrets_… but, we will make sure your family is well-cared for and that your son does not follow in those footsteps…"

"What?" The man covered his mouth with his hand… what did this mean? What was he going to do to them?

"Your son shall be raised in the Soviet and you will die in shame!"

From that moment, Yuri's world grew black and an excruciating pain overwhelmed him… _"So this is how I die, huh?"_ he wondered to himself before the voices became dissonant _"Very well then… I shall not die in shame…"_ and everything was quiet and the darkness overcame him…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, yeah, prepare some tissues for the next chapter because we'll have three perspectives on all the deaths so far!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't say I didn't warn you about needing tissues for this chapter!  
Song: "Gavi's Song" by Lindsey Stirling

_July 25, 1918, 1:00 am_

Anya softly stirred from her slumber, the moonlight casting its glow on her… the whispers in the little inn reaching her ears. They still had a long way to go before reaching their destination and they had to rest for the journey…

"The tsar must have been executed… the papers said that the family was moved to a safe place!" One gossipy woman whispered.

"Do you _honestly_ believe_ that?_ In those difficult times, we cannot trust what people say!" Another replied in a hushed voice.

The young woman listened to the conversation between the gossipy women in the room, about the tsar's execution… the fates of the Romanovs were currently unknown… were they alive or dead? The conversations somehow made her uncomfortable and she often felt her stomach lurch at those topics…

Every day, they got closer to Perm… and the rumours of the Romanovs grew… Anya looked at the diamond from her small coat pocket, wondering about its past… however, nothing she thought of seemed to be the key to the lock of secrecy and her past… sometimes, the young woman did not like sleeping for it was the only time she would let her guard down and become vulnerable… the shadows came out to play and taunted her, the scents of fire and smoke suffocated her lungs, and the sounds of smashing glass, bullets and screams echoed in her mind… and she always woke up, startled and filled with terror… Anya prayed that God would let her remember or forget about it all… she tried to convince herself that what she heard was a _dream and nothing more… but deep down, she knew they were real…_

* * *

_St. Petersburg, July 25, 1918, 8:30 pm_

There was a knock on the door of the Vaganov household as the Vaganovs were preparing for bed…

"My, who could it be at this hour?" Gleb's mother mused to herself before opening the door cautiously. The young man tried to make out what was happening in the conversation through snippets softly exchanged between the two…

"All of the Romanovs were executed… and no one got away…"

"Where did my husband go?"

"He had died of shame…"

Gleb could not hear the rest of the conversation, he saw the woman shaking angrily with sobs and the man handing the pistol to her, slamming the door with a resounding thud…

(*)

His mother kneeled to the ground and began to shake with sobs; Gleb quickly scooped her into his arms and allowed her to bury her face into his chest… although he and his father never had been close due to him not being around often, he had always admired his father from a distance and sought to be like him… now, was the time for a family to mourn for a father and a husband…

* * *

_Perm, July 29, 1918, 7:30 pm_

After several days of travelling, they arrived in Perm… the tension was as thick as syrup… the people in the room were whispering amongst themselves, newspapers in their hands…

_"What… what happened?"_ she wondered to herself before noticing a newspaper strewn across the floor, the answer came to her shortly as she picked up the papers and skimmed the contents… her heart sinking as her eyes stopped at a certain article…

What the Bolsheviks said wasn't true… The tsar was not the only one who died that night… his _entire family_ was murdered along with him… the children were brutally murdered… images flashed through her mind rapidly, bile rising in her throat and hot tears forming as she heard the gunshots and screams, smelling smoke and blood… she felt herself shake with silent sobs…

"Anya?" A nurse turned her head to face the girl, her long, blonde hair tumbling down in soft waves as the sobs grew in volume and intensity…

"I… just need to be _alone_ for a while…" Anya finally managed to speak, trying to stop the tremble in her voice…

Fortunately, they understood what she wanted and escorted her to a small, private room to mourn… Anya tried to gulp down the hiccups threatening to escape her throat but failed to do so, and she buried her face into her hands, collecting the tears that came down in torrents…

_"Why… why am I mourning… for people I don't even… know?"_ she asked herself as she shook with both sadness and anger, crossing her arms over her chest and her legs sinking to the wooden floor, wincing at the pain but she didn't care… all she could think about was the cruel fate of the royals… people she neither knew nor remembered…

* * *

_Paris, July 29, 1918, 8:00 pm_

Lily stood at the doorway of Marie Feoderovna's bedroom, staring blankly at her mistress and closest friend… she did not need to speak a word to know what happened…

"Marie…"

"All of them?" Marie trembled, crumpling up the letter in her hands and soaking it with her tears _"All of them?"_

Lily hurried into the room to comfort her, understanding what had happened…

_"All of them are gone, Lily…"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Everyone… But especially poor Anya… And this chapter doesn't fully cover the emotional trauma… And the fact that she's the only survivor of a massacre… One of the reasons why I decided to rewrite this fanfic was because I felt like I didn't cover much of the physical and emotional trauma… She might have wanted to die because of survivor's guilt or her nightmares might have gotten worse… So… Yeah. Poor Anya…  
I felt bad about Yuri's death but it had to be done… and in the next chapter, we see Anya being in denial over the death of the Romanovs and how this had affected her…


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! It's been insanely busy for the past couple of weeks and I have not had as much time or energy to devote to writing as I would like. (In other good news, once I'm done with IMDSC, I've got a few fanfic ideas brewing in my head, one being a R/C fanfic based on one of my favourite screen-to-stage musicals of all time ;) )  
And this chapter is short but still somewhat important.

_Perm, July 29, 1918, 7:45 pm_

Anya's gaze was on the food which she pushed around, although the scents of food had tempted her, she did not have the appetite. The young woman did not dare to look up for she felt eyes rest upon her still-healing scars littering her skin… and she did not like the feeling at all. Finally, the awkward silence had eased when a nurse finally spoke up "Good evening, Anya. My name is Elene and I am a nurse here at the hospital. You are welcome here for as long as you need." Somehow, Elene's warm smile had made her feel less tense and anxious "Katya, a dear friend of mine, told me of your grave injuries. It seems as if you're recovering well. After a few more days' rest, we shall introduce you to the work we do here. For now, dear, please eat before the food turns cold. You must be starving from such a long journey,"

Silently, everyone finished their meal but every now and then, Anya caught the nurses staring at her, worry brimming in their eyes…

* * *

_Perm, July 29, 1918, 9:30 pm_

_"Why did you leave us?" A young boy's voice echoed into her ears_

_"W-What? Who… are you?" her throat felt dry as she spoke those words._

_"You promised that we would stick together!" The boy drifted further away before deafening crackles and booms echoed throughout the hallway… ear-splitting screams echoed throughout and flashes of fire filled every room… and she covered her ears to quiet out the deafening noises…_

_"Why did you leave us?"_

Anya broke out in a cold sweat, catapulting herself up from the bed before looking around… those dreams came again… the fact that she never figured out what they meant had annoyed her… with trembling hands, she picked up a glass of water on her bedside table, downing the cool liquid which was a relief to her scorching throat… taking a few shaky deep breaths, she closed her eyes and tried to sleep again… but it didn't help… she was still awake, and the shadows loomed over her and preyed on her vulnerability at every present moment…


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry for the lack of updates! I just had a writer’s block during that period of time!  
Song: “Days In The Sun (Outtake Version)” from Beauty and the Beast (2017)

_ Perm, July 29, 1918, 9:15 pm _

“Please, have a cup of tea, my dear friend…” Elene poured the piping hot concoction into two teacups, handing one to Katya. However, Katya only stared at her tea and let the steam rise up onto her face. 

“You might know why I brought her here…” she finally spoke up, breaking the silence. 

“Yes,” Elene nodded, her face serious “It is important she mustn’t know anything about who she is, or she will be in grave danger…” 

“Help her blend in, help her be kept hidden, help her be safe… teach her our ways here,” 

“I promise I will not let any harm or suspicion befall her,” The task ahead was simple, yet daunting… 

* * *

_ Perm, July 29, 1918, 10:15 pm _

A bloodcurdling scream rattled throughout the convent as Elene dashed into the room, terrified of what could have possibly happened.  _ Could the Reds have found her? _ She released a breath she didn’t know she had been holding when she opened the door, seeing Anya safe and sound… However, the woman’s face fell when she saw the girl crying to herself… 

“Anya, what… happened?” 

“Those faces… I keep seeing _ so many _ faces…” Anya sobbed, burying her head into Elene’s chest “Oh God… the screaming…”

The nurse soothed the girl, stroking her comfortingly as she whispered words of comfort into her ears “Shh, shh Anya. It’s okay dear.” 

(*)

The girl continued to hug the older woman, feeling her eyelids droop as Elene gently hummed a lullaby into her ear. Anya soon found herself falling asleep in Elene’s arms. With a gentle smile, Elene whispered gently “Rest now, my dear… tomorrow, you would begin your life here,” She couldn’t help but smile as the petite girl fell asleep. She decided to let Anya sleep in her embrace for a while, and she would leave her to sleep peacefully later. She smiled and tenderly kissed Anya's head. After a few moments, she decided to let the girl sleep, whispering as she closed the door gingerly “Good night, little princess…”

Her new job was honourable yet grave… she knew the grand duchess had many scars, but the ones inside would take the longest time to heal… From that day onwards, Elene became the guardian of the Grand Duchess Anastasia Nikolaevna Romanov… And no one can know she exists… 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y’all are enjoying the story so far :).


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: YES! “EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT, NOW THAT I SEE YOU” IS DONE! OH YEAH!  
*finishes victory dance and returns to keyboard*  
Sorry, I’m just relieved I have one project crossed off my list and I can do this chapter! It took time to get this one just right. Anyway, this chapter was partly inspired by “They see right through me (I see right through me)” by izloveshorses on Ao3. Yeah, wasn’t so creative on how Anya slowly got some of her memories back.   
Song: “I Need To Know” from Barbie as the Island Princess

_ Perm, July 30, 1918, 7:30 am _

“Good morning, Anya,” Elene smiled as she picked up a piece of stale bread, beckoning Anya to sit down “Did you have a good sleep last night?” 

Anya shrugged, more interested in eating than the conversation “I guess so…” was all she could say after swallowing a piece of bread. She was plagued by nightmares last night. 

“Come with me now, I’ll help you with your hair,” she began, trying to fill up the awkward silence “It’s more practical for you to do your work like this!” 

Anya nodded, wanting to focus on something else besides her nightmares. They went to her rather small bedroom and sat in front of the vanity mirror., allowing Sister Elene to work with her hair and watched silently as she twisted a portion of her hair into a sort of braided headband. 

“Now you’re ready,” she smiled gently, as a mother would. Anya felt a pang in her chest, aching to know who her actual family was and what her mother was like… As if she summoned her, she saw an older woman, her hair adorned with jewels and dressed elegantly in white. Her face was obscured by shadows as she turned to face her, whispering ethereally “Anya…” 

“Anya?” Sister Elene cocked her head slightly, concern glinting in her eyes as the young woman began daydreaming again “Anya, what’s the matter? It looks as if you’ve seen a ghost…”

“It… It’s nothing,” she quickly fibbed after a moment of silence.  _ “I’m probably just tired, stop dreaming!” _ Anya chastised herself, but for some reason, these ghosts felt familiar… if not, why would they be appearing at random moments? 

* * *

_ Perm, August 2, 1918, 7:30 pm _

As the week flew by and, as she healed, Anya settled into convent life quite quickly. She would always help out with the cleaning and would either read a book or retreat to the chapel to pray whenever she had time. Her past still remained a mystery, and ever since she was found, the young woman took comfort in religion. The peaceful environment and hushed voices felt calming to her, especially compared to her terrifying nightmares and eerie dreams that left her with that same hollowness that haunted her whenever she tried to remember her past. If only God could help her remember who she was and where she came from. 

Anya hated not knowing her past, and not everyone in the convent was so kind. She overheard voices calling her ‘the stray’, like an animal. She was still in the dark and the shadows still lurked in the deep corners of her mind. 

(*) 

The mysteries surrounded the young woman, who was she? Who were these ghosts? Why did they feel so… familiar? She was haunted every waking moment and she felt as if she were a seamstress, trying to find the right thread to unravel the fabric. 

Whenever she asked anyone on her past, they remained silent and pretended to ignore her question or they came up with short, unsatisfactory answers. 

Anya felt frustrated at the lack of answers but… she knew the dangers behind the truth. Now, in a time where a neighbour is against their neighbour, she didn’t know which person she could trust and what lies there were… she needed a sign, anything, a hint of who she was before the accident… 

Slowly, the memories came but… they were vague. The melody of a music box, angry red flames dancing in her eyes, the smell of smoke and blood… What did all of these mean? She often woke up in a cold sweat, trying to decipher those clues of her past. Anya often tried to push them to the back of her mind and tried to concentrate on her tasks but the questions still burned in her mind and her curiosity ached to know of her own mysterious past… 

* * *

_ August 3, 1918, 9:10 pm _

Sister Elene tiptoed gently into the room, the door creaking quietly behind her. Mother Katerina beckoned her to sit down. 

“I have news from Yekaterinburg,” Sister Elene felt herself tense as she sat. 

“The Whites have left Yekaterinburg. They were unable to finish the investigation. Rumours of the royal family were spreading quickly…”

Sister Elene furrowed her eyebrows, her face serious as she came to the realization of the higher stakes “So that means they will be searching for her in secret…”

“Yes,” Mother Katerina nodded “That means we still have to keep her in the dark and come up with more lies to protect her. She is still too recognizable and now, our stakes are higher with the search for the missing princess…”    
“I understand,” Sister Elene nodded determinedly. Now, they needed to hide, and Anya must be kept hidden… for her safety and to help her build a new life… 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Fair warning: I’m gonna be slow for the updates as I have prelims at the moment. That goes for my other fanfics too.


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